Identity (The Kingdom Chronicles Book 3) Page 5

  “Yes, from the moment of our wedding, you’ve seemed…altered.”

  I swallowed, not trusting myself to speak.

  “I can’t quite pinpoint how, exactly.” He drummed his fingers on his knee as he continued to peruse me. “But something is…off.”

  “Really?” I could barely squeeze the word past my dry throat. My shaking hands groped for the carriage door handle to steady myself. He leaned forward and rested his hand over mine to pull it away. An unexpected jolt rippled over me at his touch. He hastily withdrew his hand.

  “Perhaps this marriage, as undesirable as it is, will hopefully not be as bad as we both fear.”

  “I hope so too, Your Highness, but—”

  “Your Highness? Lavena, please, this formality must stop.”

  Another mistake. I leaned on my elbows to bury my forehead in my hands. “This is such a disaster.”

  He actually chuckled. “It is, isn’t it? Two enemies bound together forever.”

  “Enemies? Is that what we are? Are we to draw up battle plans and spend the rest of our marriage at one another’s throats?”

  His eyes widened. “Don’t you hate me?”

  “No! Do you hate me?” The tears I’d fought so hard to keep back finally escaped. Prince Liam scrambled to my seat and hovered over me before awkwardly patting my back.

  “I’m a dunderhead,” he murmured. “A few hours in and I make my wife cry.”

  “A few hours in and my husband hates me.”

  “I don’t hate you,” he said hastily, his tone making his words sound like a question. “Really, Lavena. I thought you hated me. We’ve never exactly gotten along.”

  “Because we’ve never even tried.”

  To my amazement, Prince Liam cupped my chin to tilt my head up and carefully dried my eyes with his handkerchief. The gesture was so incredibly sweet my tears nearly overcame me again.

  “We haven’t, have we? We’ve done a pretty good job of avoiding one another. I’ve never wanted this arrangement, Lavena. You were never meant to be my wife, but Kian’s.”

  It took me a moment to remember that Kian was the deceased Crown Prince of Draceria—Liam’s older brother and Princess Lavena’s original fiancé. “I didn’t want this arrangement either.” Especially since it placed me in such a dangerous situation.

  He managed a wry smile. “I know. You’ve made your opinion clear many times.”

  “As have you.” I shuddered as the Lavena-like accusation escaped, causing the ring to purr in approval. Already parts of her identity were eclipsing mine. “I’m sorry,” I said hastily, as if my apology would allow me to snatch whatever portion of myself remained before I disappeared forever. “I didn’t mean that.”

  Prince Liam stared at me as if he’d never seen me before. “You apologized again. I mean…” He pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose, as if trying to ward off a headache. He took a deep breath. “Right. Let’s confront this arrangement head on.”

  I wrinkled my nose. “Head on?”

  “Yes, we must face the situation directly. Fact number one: you and I don’t like one another.”

  “I don’t hate you,” I contradicted, ignoring the flash of pain my rebellion against the ring caused.

  “I didn’t say hate, but you must admit we haven’t exactly been hiding our dislike for one another.”

  I ached to deny it, for it was Princess Lavena who didn’t like him, not me. I hated being so misrepresented. It was all I could do to bite my tongue to stifle my protests.

  “Now.” He playfully tapped my nose. “Fact number two: You and I are stuck together, whether we like it or not. But while I’m many things, I’m not dishonorable. I’ll be faithful to whatever this is. Will you? I know you’re rather…” He bit his lip.

  Heat flashed through me. Yes, Princess Lavena was that way, but that was not a trait I’d pretend was mine for one moment. “I’m honorable, too. I’ve not had exploits before you, and I certainly won’t have them now that we’re married.”

  The ring heated once more, warning me to watch what I said. I swallowed the rest of my adamant denial.

  “That would be wrong,” I finished weakly.

  He gaped at me for a moment before blinking rapidly. “I see.” He cleared his throat awkwardly. “So, we both intend to be faithful to whatever this is.” He waved his hand between us.

  “Of course.”

  Up went his eyebrow. “So we have that in common, at least. It’s a start. I’m still not happy about this, but I’ll do my best.”

  “As will I.” For whether I was Princess Lavena or Anwen, I couldn’t live in a loveless union for as long as it took the princess to come to her senses.

  “Then it’s decided.” Prince Liam turned towards the window, signaling the end of our conversation.

  I pressed my face against the glass and spent the rest of the carriage ride watching the sun lower over the rolling hills. My breath caught when the Dracerian summer palace loomed into view, a vision of white marble and splendor, cast in a sheen of ruby and gold from the setting sun. The carriage clattered through the gates and rolled to a stop in front of the towering oak front doors. Prince Liam descended and helped me down, looping my arm through his to escort me up the steps.

  A bowing footman opened the door for us. “Welcome, Your Highnesses.”

  I stiffened at the address and forced myself to nod in reply.

  Prince Liam led me upstairs towards the bedrooms, and too late I remembered that with marriage came…my stomach jolted. Oh no. We couldn’t. I wasn’t ready, we were still strangers, and I wasn’t even sure we were legally married. No, no, no, no…

  Prince Liam paused outside a door and gave me a shy and awkward look. My chest tightened. “This is where I leave you.”

  “You mean we’re not—”

  He shook his head. “Not tonight. We should wait until we can at least tolerate one another.”

  I released my sigh of relief in a whoosh. “Thank heavens.”

  He actually laughed, a light, bouncing sound that filled me with warmth. “I thoroughly agree. I told you I was honorable, Lavena. You really think I’d…”

  I shrugged. “You’re a man.”

  He pursed his lips, obviously to contain his laughter. “Not so much so that I’d ever consider…I mean, I’ve waited this long, I’d rather wait longer so it might at least be bearable. Wouldn’t you?”

  “Do you think it ever could?”

  “Well, I’ll need an heir eventually…” He blushed and seemed to take great interest in the ornate rug lining the marble corridor. “But I don’t need one now. So we should wait. I’m not asking for a miracle, but for the first time, I feel a glimmer of hope that this won’t be as torturous as I anticipated.”

  I managed a small smile, my first since this entire nightmare had started. “I have hope, too. Only a sweet man would dry one’s tears.”

  He seemed startled by my compliment before he slowly returned my smile, a crooked one that lit up his eyes, and in that moment I felt something pass between us, something warm and bright.

  “Thank you, Lavena. I wish you a pleasant night.” He bowed before entering his room. I slipped into the adjoining one and leaned against the closed door, trying to settle my frantic heartbeat as the emotions from the day finally overcame me.

  I collapsed face-down onto my bed and broke into shuddering sobs. I felt hopelessly lost and unsure how to navigate the waters ahead, while another part of me remembered Prince Liam’s smile, the way he’d dried my tears, and his contagious laugh. If that Liam could always exist, then could this arrangement possibly not be as unbearable as I’d feared?

  Chapter 5

  When I first awoke the following morning I forgot where I was. I stared up at the lacy canopy hanging above me as I ran my fingers across the satin sheets. The bed was incredibly soft, like lying on goose feathers. When had I ever slept so soundly? I blinked sleepily before rolling over. Rosy, golden dawn tumbled from the window in shimmering d
appled patterns across the lush rugs and spacious room. Where was I?

  And then I remembered.

  Disoriented, I sat up with a gasp and found a maid stoking the fire, a job that, up until this morning, I’d always performed for Princess Lavena. She startled at my sudden movement and blinked at me in surprise before sweeping into a grand curtsy.

  “Forgive me, Your Highness, I didn’t mean to disturb you. I was informed you were a heavy and late sleeper.”

  She said it like a question, obviously doubting herself at seeing me awake so early. While that was true for Princess Lavena, I was used to rising with the sun in order to begin a long day serving Her Highness. But that time had passed; now servants were serving me. Being a princess would take some getting used to.

  The maid wrung her hands as she anxiously awaited my reply. By the stiffness in her posture, she’d undoubtedly been informed of Princess Lavena’s foul temper when woken too early—a temper the ring encouraged me to unleash. But despite its insistence the words wouldn’t come, for I was not Her Highness. Even though I knew I had a part to play, I couldn’t bring myself to be outright rude.

  “It’s quite alright.” Confusion lined the maid’s brow at what was likely a much softer answer than she’d expected. The ring flared in protest, and I found myself narrowing my eyes. “See that you exercise caution in the future.”

  I gasped at the words and the cold tone that had accompanied them, both of which seemed to have tumbled out beyond my control. I gave a dismissive wave of my hand, cringing when the gesture was obeyed. Only hours into the charade and I already loathed it.

  She paused in the doorway. “Will you be returning to sleep, Your Highness, or would you like me to bring you a breakfast tray?”

  Despite the unusual drowsiness suddenly pressing against my senses—undoubtedly the ring’s doing as it encouraged me to adopt the princess’s late-lie-in habits—I wouldn’t waste another moment in bed. “I fancy an early morning stroll before breakfast.” The princess had occasionally gone on those for it to not be entirely out of character…although her definition of early greatly differed from mine.

  She blinked in astonishment. Whatever warnings she’d received about Princess Lavena, I was doing a terrible job of living up to them. But my nerves were too frazzled to even try to pretend. Perhaps a brisk walk in the crisp summer morning followed by a good breakfast would grant me the motivation to better play my part.

  The maid bustled towards the wardrobe for a gown. Great, now it was my turn to be dressed up. It turned out to be as awkward as I’d always imagined. Luckily, the maid worked quickly and efficiently, dressing me in a fern-green satin gown—and while it fit me perfectly considering Princess Lavena had put me to work doing up all her hems to make up for my slightly shorter height, I wasn’t used to its tight and confining feel. I pressed a hand to my chest and struggled to breathe. How would I ever get used to such an outfit?

  After the maid styled my hair in a simple but elegant twist, I escaped the confines of my room and managed to find my way outside. I tipped my head back and breathed in the brisk air, full of the scent of blossoms and morning dew. I basked in the sun warming my face and the cool breeze caressing my cheeks. The early morning stillness had always been my favorite time of day, when the world was awakening and the day was fresh and new.

  I managed to stir in order to explore the pathways that twisted through the magnificent gardens, observing not the flora but the insects. Morning was the best time to study them, for the cooler temperatures of night combined with the dew covering their wings prevented them from flying away, thus allowing me the opportunity to examine them more closely.

  I paused when I spotted a dragonfly resting on a leaf, its wings lightly coated in moisture. From its coloring, I could tell it was a species I’d never seen before. Fascinating. As I debated whether I could get away with sitting on the damp lawn in my fancy dress in order to get a closer look, footsteps sounded on the cobblestones behind me. I swiveled around just as Prince Liam appeared at the end of the path.

  He froze when he saw me, looking startled. “Lavena?” No “good morning,” no inquires on how I slept, just my name given like an expletive. I smiled anyway.

  “Good morning, Prince Liam.” I had to catch myself before I curtsied out of habit.

  He eyed my smile suspiciously before he frowned. “Prince Liam? You do love riling me in the most subtle ways.”

  My smile vanished. Wait, what? “You think I’m trying to upset you?”

  “You always do.”

  Awkward silence choked the chilly air, making it feel as if miles existed between us rather than mere feet. I fidgeted with my ring, desperately trying to find something to say to dispel the brewing tension. I thought we’d made progress yesterday. Now that hope was rapidly evaporating.

  “I don’t understand,” I finally managed. “Last night in the carriage—”

  He gave me a mocking smile. “Oh yes, the carriage ride. I did fall into your trap quite easily, but the morning has put everything back into perspective. The more I think about it, the more I realize how out of character you were behaving. There’s only one explanation for it: it was all an act.”

  I frantically shook my head. “No, Prince Liam.”

  “See? Calling me Prince Liam is only a continuation of this new game of yours.” He furrowed his brow. “Why are you awake so early? Can’t wait to get started on finding ways to make me miserable, Princess Lavena?”

  I winced. “I know you rise early,” I said slowly, analyzing each word before I spoke, trying to discern if he could twist it to fit his dark perception of Princess Lavena, now me. The fact he thought so ill of me was torturous.

  He shrugged. “Don’t get up early on my account. I was actually pleased at the thought of not having to hide from you during the blessed hours you slept in.”

  Once again I cringed. I struggled to speak past the tears clogging my throat. “I was hoping to see you. I thought we could have breakfast together.”

  He shook his head in a jerky movement. “I’ve already eaten.”

  My heart sank. “Oh.”

  He studied my expression with a thoughtful pucker. “You really thought I’d want to eat breakfast with you?”

  “I just thought…we could at least try to…” I trailed off.

  He folded his arms and surveyed me with a sharp, penetrating look. “This is another example of your behaving entirely out of character. The Lavena I know would be avoiding me as much as I’d be avoiding her. You’re definitely up to something, but I’m on my guard now and won’t fall for it.”

  My panic swelled. “You think I’ve been pretending?”

  He smirked. “Surprised? I’m certain you think me gullible enough to fall for your tricks, but I’ve won this round. But don’t fret, you’re still emerging from this confrontation with a prize: congratulations on ruining my morning. I’ll take my leave before you make any more of my day unpleasant.” He performed a stiff, mocking bow and began walking away.

  Desperation caused me to step forward. “When do you take lunch?”

  “I don’t want to eat lunch with you.”

  “Dinner, then?”

  He released a long breath through his teeth and considered. “I expect my parents will want a report on my efforts in this blasted arrangement. Fine, I’ll see you at dinner, though I’m not looking forward to it.”

  He left the garden without another word. My heart twisted as I watched his retreating form. I supposed it’d been unrealistic to expect to erase seven years of animosity between Prince Liam and Princess Lavena so easily, but now I realized it would be far more difficult than I’d anticipated. Not only did I have to pretend to be someone else, but I now had to take responsibility for all the hurt, anger, and hatred that had festered between the prince and princess for years and somehow make up for it.

  The beginnings of a headache pulsed against my temples. The task felt utterly impossible.

  Growing up, whenever I’d
imagined marriage, I’d envisioned a union full of love and happiness like my parents shared, not the torturous experience this was. It grew so unbearable I actually tried several times to leave, testing the limits of the ring, but each attempt caused immobilizing pain that kept me ensnared within the palace grounds.

  The first several days of our marriage were horrible—full of loneliness, tears, and tension, each day nearly impossible to endure. I alternated my time between trying to bridge the vast distance between me and my husband and frantically raiding the library for any information about the contract ring binding me to this union.

  My research proved futile. The books in the summer palace were mostly antiquated, obsolete volumes from when the palace had been the primary residence of the royal family several hundred years ago. Many of the books contained information on the surrounding kingdoms, including Lyceria, as well as details about ancient contracts, but I could find no information on the centuries-old contract ring. Still I forged ahead, spending several hours a day searching for any way to escape my sentence.

  After several days combing the shelves, I finally gave up trying to find a way to overcome the ring’s power and instead spent all my efforts trying to soften my new husband—a quest made more difficult since he didn’t seem bothered by the tense state of our relationship. He couldn’t seem to let go of his assumption that my efforts were insincere and calculated to hurt him. Thus he responded to each of my attempts with coldness, sharp glares, or ignoring me completely.

  Feeling more trapped than ever, I locked myself in my room and wrote a desperate letter to Prince Nolan demanding an explanation for his playing along with the princess’s scheme and requesting his assistance in getting me out of it. I pleaded for him to find Princess Lavena and help us trade places before Prince Liam or anybody else became suspicious. I sent the letter with little hope, but it did ease some of the anxiety tightening my chest to have done something to try and escape my predicament, no matter how small.